Angry Dieben's Damned Emporium of Riotous Accouterments LLC

Having neared the end of your journey across Cardhuntria, you spy a dilapidated building leaning against the base of Black Plume Mountain. Seeing that smoke still trails from a lopsided chimney, you decide to investigate the place further. After all, who in their right mind would be located in such close proximity to the dreaded dragon, Blizkenripper, and not have been slain yet?

A sign above the doorway reads, "ADDERA LLC - Always open". Upon entering, a chime sounds and a record scratches as cheery music fills the surprisingly well furnished shop. An oaken counter spans the entryway, blocking any further ingress. The walls are lined with shelves bearing goods of all sorts. They stand in stark contrast to the glass-fronted cases behind the counter which, while mostly empty, primarily contain mundane gear like pitchforks, torches, and cheap vodka. Further back, you can see the silhouette of a circular stairwell that leads both up and down.

After another minute, a middle-aged lizardman hustles down the staircase and makes his way to the counter.

 

Darn! Why didn't I think of this earlier? You know those little buttons that state things like "I voted"? You totally should have made "didn't freaking vote" buttons! (For all your passive agressive needsĺ

 

Wow Seth, first thing you get me to upload is a freaking badge, not any of the actual items I've already made.

You're lucky I'm so charitable, I made this just for you.

 

You ask him about what he is currently working on.
The lizardman cracks a smile momentarily before resuming his cross glare.
"Well, I don't normally divulge my plans prior to completion, but for you I suppose I'll make an exception. My current pet project is a full set of gear designed for rioting, the Rioter's Regalia if you will. Most folks make a point in combat of maintaining a safe distance from their allies so as to minimize the impact of burst attacks. I'd like to see a strategy that incentivizes the close grouping of comrades."
He pauses before continuing, "I used to have a shop in the Cardhuntrian capital, but the population density there is too high. Them Manchurian officials got too spooked at the idea of a large group of protesters wielding something that exacerbates the power of a close-knit community. So here I am relegated to this frozen hellhole away from the populace."
He grimaces and spits on the floor. "I'm not finished with all of my designs just yet, so you'll just have to suffer with what is available so far, I might modify or retrofit existing designs if I feel dissatisfied with them. You'll just have to deal with that. Here's what I've finished so far, Let me know if you wanna place an order."

The Rioter's Regalia
Warrior
Weapon:
Weapon:
Weapon:
Heavy Armor:
Shield:
Boots:
Helmet:
Warrior Skill:
Wizard
Staff:
Staff:
Robes:
Arcane Item: Prole's Flambeau
Arcane Item: Molotov's Cocktail
Arcane Item:
Arcane Item:
Boots:
Wizard Skill:
Priest
Divine Weapon: Pitchfork of Violent Protest
Divine Weapon:
Shield:
Boots:
Divine Armor:
Divine Item: Revolutionary Cinder Block
Divine Item:
Divine Item:
Priest Skill:
Racial Skills
Elf Skill:
Human Skill:
Dwarf Skill:​

 

As an ... active, let's say ... member of my community, I look forward to this for a number of reasons. The rhetoric surrounding riots is incredibly interesting.

 

I would like to place an order on The Staff of Endless Hate
x4 Hateful Comment
x2 Taunt
==================================================================================================================
Hateful Comment
Target a character - that character 5 sonic damage at the end of the round. Duration 3.

 

Love more, hate less. I prefer nonviolent civil disobedience à la Medallion Of St. Vigus & Reinforced Doris.

I'd like to see nonviolent / non-damaging weapons for warriors and wizards.

 

You can make a zero damage 3-wizard build. Not that hard to do. Like below:

Spoiler: Zero Percent Fun

j. lawrence, the virtuous
Level 17 Human Wizard

Wallbuilder's Staff
Wallbuilder's Staff
Twizel's Water Talisman
Pip's Anklet
Smoke Pin
Smoke Pin
Robes Of Foz
Garalem's Boots
Untrained Flexibility
Electroporter Novice

1 x Reliable Mail
2 x Maze
1 x Wild Run
9 x Flash Flood
2 x Telekinesis
1 x Retreat
1 x Spark Inductor
1 x Slowed
2 x Dangerous Maneuver
7 x Wall Of Illusion
1 x Spark Generator
1 x Dimensional Traveller
4 x Smoke Bomb
3 x Flanking Move
​

t. swift, the destroyer
Level 17 Human Wizard

Wallbuilder's Staff
Wallbuilder's Staff
Twizel's Water Talisman
Pip's Anklet
Smoke Pin
Smoke Pin
Robes Of Foz
Garalem's Boots
Untrained Flexibility
Electroporter Novice

1 x Reliable Mail
2 x Maze
1 x Wild Run
9 x Flash Flood
2 x Telekinesis
1 x Retreat
1 x Spark Inductor
1 x Slowed
2 x Dangerous Maneuver
7 x Wall Of Illusion
1 x Spark Generator
1 x Dimensional Traveller
4 x Smoke Bomb
3 x Flanking Move
​

j. chastain, the tempest
Level 17 Human Wizard

Wallbuilder's Staff
Wallbuilder's Staff
Twizel's Water Talisman
Pip's Anklet
Smoke Pin
Smoke Pin
Robes Of Foz
Garalem's Boots
Untrained Flexibility
Electroporter Novice

1 x Reliable Mail
2 x Maze
1 x Wild Run
9 x Flash Flood
2 x Telekinesis
1 x Retreat
1 x Spark Inductor
1 x Slowed
2 x Dangerous Maneuver
7 x Wall Of Illusion
1 x Spark Generator
1 x Dimensional Traveller
4 x Smoke Bomb
3 x Flanking Move​

 

"You hippies and your peacemongering ways, get off my property!"

The lizardman scowls as he retrieves a farming implement from one of the glass cabinets before proceeding to viciously chase off the squatters. A few minutes later he returns and launches into his sales pitch with a showman's smile.

"Indulge in mass hysteria by giving into mob mentality! Join an impending meltdown and gang up on the accused! Let them know your fury as you assault them with emotionally charged stabs both figurative and literal! Riot in style with the Pitchfork of Violent Protest: the tool of choice for when they say, 'you can't have it all!'"

As he returns the tool to its case, you spy an old newspaper advertisement on the interior. Apparently, this product made its public debut a while ago and received considerable public acclaim at the time.

Pitchfork of Violent Protest

Level 3 Rare Tokenless Divine Weapon

 

"Good sir, are you, by chance, the same one who also made the famous cinder block?...I'd love to see it, if you still have it!"

 

So I can stay?

 

Torch of Terror
Level 1 | Legendary | Tokenless | Arcane Item
x3 Firestorm
Burn this thread to the ground!

 

That reminds me of the riots in that village a couple of years ago. I think it was about eggs or something. Things could have stayed peaceful, if not for those two gnomes. They had real skills in speaking to the masses, and soon enough, they had half the townsmen turning against one another.

It was a bloody mess. The village has been burnt down eventually. But you probably know the story, right?

 

The lizardman nods knowingly as he retrieves a large concrete block from beneath the counter.

"I had expressed some uncertainty when I first presented this piece. While I still feel that a cinder block ought to deal a bit more damage, as it stands, it synergizes well both thematically and mechanically rest of the set. After all, while few things beat the satisfaction of caving in a skull with a heavy, improvised implement, I've given enough concussions to know that stun is a worthwhile inclusion. Maintaining footing is also of great value, otherwise how else should one hold your position in a horde of angry allies? It would be quite silly to allow yourself to be barged about by law enforcement or blown back by contrary winds. Admittedly, this is not the centerpiece of the Rioter's Regalia, but it is a vital building block in the overall efficacy of the project. Pardon the pun."

He smiles before returning it to its proper place.

"Anything else I can help you find today?"

Revolutionary Cinder Block

Level 13 Rare Divine Item

 

Per my lawyermancer's advice, I can neither confirm nor deny my involvement in any major events of societal unrest.

 

"As popular as such an item may prove to be, I feel like a bit more effort should be put forth in my craft. I feel it would be a disservice to 'create' something that is not distinct from already popularized collections. In this case, it is most certainly not my objective to give yet another tool to pyromaniacal wizards. Hell, it has practically become a stereotype for dwarven wizards to be incapable of walking without flatulating gouts of fire and lava from their britches. I will not contribute to that hooliganism regardless of how humorous I may find the little blackguards."

He pauses for a moment before shrugging his shoulders.

"I don't want you to get the wrong impression. While I appreciate your contribution, it is not the direction I'm looking to go at this time. The last thing I'd want is to craft something derivative."

You frown at his allegation and the he scowls in turn.

"Look, I'm not trying to offend you and I'm not the most cunning linguist in Cardhuntria, so how's about I show you my design for a torch and we consider the matter settled."

Without waiting for any affirmation, he steps into the backroom and returns a minute later brandishing an unlit brass torch.

"This here's my latest creation, the Prole's Flambeau. Seeing as riots are notorious for property damage as well as general chaos, I tried to implement a few effects that don't typically get included on an arcane item. I had originally intended for this to be a staff, but I would have ended up just making some crap that had already been done. Seriously, there are a crapton of fire-themed staves. I'll figure something else out for my designs. Anyways, torches do three things in a riot: set people and objects on fire, create smoke from said fire, and give the people's oppressors an intimidating visual on just how many people he or she managed to piss off that week."

At this he sets the item on the table for you to examine as he leans back against the display case, reminiscing about the revolts of yesteryear.

Prole's Flambeau

Level 11 Common Arcane Item

 

Hmmm...."well, I'd have imagined a Flame Spit would be more appropriate, as the flaming language that can be spit from a rioter. The remainder, however, is perfectly fine."

 

"If I may, I would ask for this item to be modified, just a bit I" you say after examining the item.
"Rather than Sizzling Bolt I would like Flame Spit for Firestorm" you look up at the lizardman expectingly.

 

"Gentlefolk, thank you for your insight. While I do agree that Flame Spit is thematically appropriate, I contend that it is not representative of typical torch usage. I can say from personal experience that torches are easy to throw a good distance, but only tend to create lasting fires when there is additional material or fuel in use. Most people I've thrown torches at were hurt more by the weight of the torch than from its actual flames. If they got singed at all, usually they just stomped it out and charged at me."

He chuckles and shakes his head.

"Poor blighter didn't see that Manchurian patrol carriage coming. He never stood a chance, but I digress. I can confirm that Flame Spit will be a component of at least one item to come, but it will be on an item whose flames do cling to victims. Take note though, it is not my intention to include Firestorm on any of my creations for this set with possible exception of the robes. There are very few riots that last once the crowd turns on itself. On a final note, the use of torches for the purposes of lighting is so widespread that I would be remiss to make a torch rare."

He clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth, frowning before asking his customers,

"Is anyone else here dying for a drink?"

 

Yep. Something strong enough to let me spit flames without a torch.