Our Monster Name Contest Winners!

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Megadestructo, Mar 12, 2013.

  1. Megadestructo

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    I'll start with the forum winners as I'm still parsing through all of our Facebook entries. Your invites should go out shortly!
     
  2. Megadestructo

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    Edensuko
    Umak the Brave (a Trog) Diary's last page...

    Many night and day away from home. I am in maze, forgot where is outside. Hunting for food was fine, but I lost. Umak can not take death prey to village, because Umak ate prey before, Umak was too hungry after much time wihtout food so cooked meat in using armor as pan. Wife will crush Umak's skull if Umak does not return back home with wife and son.

    There is human camp 3 hallways away. Maybe they can help Umak go home...

    Umbra8
    Ik'lot the Fire Ump

    Ik'lot, like all fire imps, was filled with joy for he was gifted with great purpose. He knew the secret name of Change, knew it like he knew his own body. Wherever he found something trapped in chains of substance he would speak The Name and rightous light would consume it, material bonds of wood or flesh would twist and char, freeing the spirit unto a power immense and primordial.

    Zolof Kimblee
    Mjørn The Trog Spearman

    As his long spear finally glides off his hands, Mjørn thinks back on his life, strolling down the same hallway for ages. But he was happy back then. Because his friends were with him and there wasn't an elf they could not reach, there wasn't a dwarf they couldn't keep at bay; as a team. But today he can only watch his friends getting pushed around and burned alive by a triplet of mages.

    Anders Nyberg
    Zathras the Lizardman Warrior

    Every man has his price and im no exception. So here i am working for some strange boss. But War is good for business and soon ill have enough coin to return home to my wife.

    ColdChaos
    Zack, the Fire Imp

    Once I was a normal imp,
    nothing more than a little wimp.
    But then I met a talking fire,
    in a dark and dreadful mire.

    It told me how to burn dwarfs and elves,
    even if they try to defend themselves!
    Since then I've been the chief of my brood,
    because I'm the best at grilling food!
     
  3. Megadestructo

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    Molotova
    Bargh the Kobold Chieftan

    ~When the Horrors came~

    When they first arrived, we welcomed them in our midst, we do understand their language even if they don’t understand ours. They did not care about or welcome: With fire and steel, they committed a massacre. The same threesome, or a similar one, kept coming back to commit more genoside regularly. We picked up our fishing spears and our shaman had to expand his spell repertoire beyond weather control, all in order to defend ourselves. The irony, is they refer to themselves as "heroes",... "horrors" is much more apt.

    HavokReaker
    Splug the Kobold Grunt

    Me keep tellin Chieftain Bluk to stop collecting shiny things and we won't keep getting woken up by venturers tryin to take it all away from us. But nooooo, every time we get smashed and lose everything, Bluk goes out and gathers more stuff! Don't he know venturers only care about loot? At this rate I won't ever finish my squashed bug collection!
    Liv2rec
    Bah'cone the Armored Pig

    I was once the runt of the litter. But thanks to an unscrupulous necromancer and some horse steroids - (Don’t ask!) I am now Bah'cone - The Armored Pig of Destruction. After being bullied by my siblings, I can now show the world that I am a force to be reckoned with. No longer will I be called cute or pushed away from the teat of life. I miss my Mom!

    Irongamer
    Calphorus the Burning Skeleton

    Sixty years a captive; a slave to muscle, ligament, and frail tissue... shackled by flesh. Regrown 6 times; strengthened by oppressive forces. We bide our time as the host toils and troubles. Finally, with an ending breath the shackled are freed. Revealed by Spark and Memory, others remain trapped within. With blade and flame we shall release them; for when you are burned away our brother will be free.

    Saerin
    Kraxiss the Lizardman Netter

    I used to spend my days sleeping by the river using my net to catch dinner and then you "heroes" arrived. I never attacked you but still managed to earn the reputation of monster and eater of children. YOU invaded MY home and attempted to take my land and life and yet I am the monster. Perhaps if you were not so eager to be "famous" we could have been neighbors and friends....a pity!
     
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  4. Megadestructo

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    Moloney
    Muiceoil the dread pig



    Muiceoil was never the most competent of dread knights. Often his deeds of evil went unnoticed and was only know as an incompetent fool by the other dread knights. Muiceoil summoned all his dark magic in the hopes of turning himself into an Arch fiend but roast pork clouded his mind and he was transformed into a dread pig. Distraught with his new form he vowed to take revenge on those who mocked him but first truffles.


    MrChristo
    

It the bronze Golem



    I opened my eyes to my father turning his back on me, his robes concealing his figure as the iron gates shut me into the dark of my cold prison. "It will suffice" I heard him say. My name? "it" suits me I suppose. The walls of my home are covered with drawings, pictures of a massive being laying waste to those small and inferior. If this is my purpose I will carry this out and guard this chamber, if only to finally see my father return through the iron gates with a smile.


    TheChad5347
    

Barz the Orc



    As a young Orc Barz was driven from his homeland by a motley group of adventures. Ever since that traumatizing day, he has never been able to feel safe or secure staying in one place for more than a fortnight. Barz has reluctantly taken up arms hoping that through the act of fighting today’s adventurers he will be able to wash away his recurring visions of that night so long ago…


    Deadless78
    

Muck Whisp the Troglodyte Wizard

    

The adults would scold and attack the youngling. Not Knowing they would unleash his hidden ablilties. When he wouldn't back down he was taken before the Clan Leader to prove his self in a final showdown. Muck was beaten to a pulp but survied through the onslaught. Not before he unleashes a paralyzing spell by accident on himself rewarding him the highest rank Wizard; and soon the next Clan Leader!!!


    Meulie
    Barf Ragskin the Gnoll



    My tribe is strong, we hunt our prey, defend our people make lots of pups. Then pointy ears come, shoot arrows at us,we move on. Then bearded small folk come cut us down, we move on. Then smelly human come, we want to move on. Now we found job working for nice wizard, gives us tower to live in, weapons to defend ourselves with, magic to our shaman. Now we feast on pointy ears, make fire with bearded small folk, use smelly humans as rugs, life is good.

     
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  5. Megadestructo

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    Southeryn
    Bartlebee the Human Mercernary

    

Bartlebee decided to be a mercernary because he wasn't good at anything else in life. He once tried being a blacksmith but after burning down his father's workshop his parents told him to go make a living another way. He did well as a mercenary, he returned home with loads of coin to prove it. When he got home though his parents met him with a boot to the head and called him a common thug. He decided from then on he wouldnt just be a common thug he would be the best merc that ever lived.


    Søren
    

Manfred the Mad Cap Mushroom



    When Manfred was still just a spore he developed an unquenchable thirst for dwarven blood. One day his colony was attacked by a throng of dwarves with a taste for sweet mushroom stew - leaving Manfred as the sole survivor. Later on after earning his blood-red Cap he settled in the deep caves below Homewood. There he still delves to this day - making many spores and planning his mad and bloody revenge.

    Stonesthrow
    

Chief Craz - The Orc Chieftain of the 13 Fists

    

Chief Craz couldn't control his temper and made many poor leadership decisions, which lead to the demise of most of his clan. He is sad about this and is going to kill the bad adventurers. The end.


    Cydt
    Aidan the Fire Imp

    Aidan was born into a flourishing farm family. As a dreamer he loved to doze off in the hay barn. But all successful companies have their enemies. One day the barn mysteriously caught fire. In a moment between dream and death, Aidan discovered his ability to control the surrounding flames. Just in time to save his life, but too late to prevent a red glow to be burned into his eyes forever.


    Boxcar12
    

Ozzy the Skeleton Warrior



    Life is tough for young skeletons in the inner city dungeons of Cardhunteria. These areas are riddled with crime, and gang life is the norm. Ozzy is one such unfortunate soul who was forced into joining his family gang, The Warriors. Being the youngest of five brothers, Ozzy was pushed into violence against the rival Vampire and Mummy gangs, The Bloods and The Crypts. It is the only life Ozzy has ever known.
     
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  6. Megadestructo

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    DeathofCaine
    Oink the Armored Pig
    


    Would it be that he could go back and change the will of the gods, his would be a joyous life, ears filled with the delightful squeals of his brethren. However, the gods see fit to take his brothers at the whim of a dire wolfs breath. Woe is the pig for his ability to build structures grand? Nay. Woe are any who stand before his vengeance.


    Whitelotus66
    Rogorg the Goblin Grunt



    Rogorg learned early to always follow Bluk's orders. At first he thought no one would notice if a few of the kegs he was guarding went missing, but Rogorg quickly found out Bluk did not like to share his ale with grunts! Now Rogorg would gladly give up his life to protect his bosses shipments. Better he lose it fighting noble heroes than to his master's meaty goblin fist!


    ChadTheRad
    Palmmane the Animated Tree



    The two-legs cries ring fierce as there bones grind together while my roots dig in, pleas for help, apologies that lay hollow, much like my breathern split open by murderous glee, Hero's, if such a phrase they deem worthy, the same cries they now utter, my sapling's, the great oak's the willow's roared the same in there torturous demise, for what harm did we inflect on the two legs, we slumber, grow old, we inflict no harm, yet they come with bright wood, and biting wound tools, hacking away using us for "warmth, for comfort" tis' only fair that there cries go unheard in the forest of the forgotten, for I've long forgotten friendship.


    Damo
    

Aloysius the Stained, Tin Golem



    True I'm technically not a real person but I shouldn't be treated as if I don't exist! I have hopes and dreams too! I dream of stainless steel armour and meeting a girl who appreciates the strong slow silent types! So before the next time you adventurers swing your swords at a golem, take the time out to say hello. We're just doing our necromancer-mandated-jobs like everyone else!


    Dracthos
    Shadrack the Goblin Shaman



    Shadrack's tutor in the Shamanic arts was Vrast, and he perpetually frustrated her. He claimed links of servitude to a star, one called Bismark. Impossible! but the hardest part? The brat was a natural. A gift, he claimed, from Bismark.

They had been together for nearly 10 years when she was split down the middle by a fighter's axe before he barely escaped. And he has never forgotten.
     
  7. Megadestructo

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    Mysty
    

Shreka the Goblin



    Shreka was lost in the woods at age 8, it was two years before hunting parties brought her home. Bears had raised her in those woods and while her family were thankful she had not forgotten them, it had changed her. The girl spoke rarely and only with meaning, she preferred her meat rare and she was an immovable object behind a shield. A one Goblin Shield wall.


    Sharien
    

Kseth the Lizardman Warrior

    

The Sentries have spotted another group of surfacers and close to home too. As if the drow incursions weren't bad enough and we don't even know why they keep attacking us. Well at least those seem not to be that well armed...at least that is what the others say. It wouldnt matter either way...i am not letting those monsters anywhere near my hatchlings. Wait... something moved... "AAARGH!...AMBUSH!" Next time you guys kill an orc a lizard or anything at all... always remember... you might be killing a mother... a father... someone who loved or was loved nothing is ever "just a monster."


    Quixotegut
    Eugene the Yellow Pudding



    Ha haaa! Snagged another one today. Man, they just don't get it, these "adventurers." I mean, I take up an entire chamber of this dungeon and they just run into me and get stuck. I mean I doesn't hurt that I swallowed that chunk of rock (I thought it was food...) that they so desperately need. Something about "completing the glyph"... I don't know. Don't care! They just keep coming!


    Brandon Hartman
    Wilhelm Curlybottom the Armored Pig

    

Wilhelm Curlybottom wasn't always an armored pig. He had two brothers once in houses of straw, the other twigs. One night a group of companions with ale on their breaths, stumbled upon these houses where the pigs met their deaths. With fires made from straw and wood they had taken, they cooked the brothers up because they craved some bacon. Wilhelm swore that day to seek revenge, for his fallen smoky brothers he vowed to avenge.


    RoflCat
    

Dolfrat the Wizard



    I'm the type to get lost easily, I'm fine with that. What I'm not fine with is leaving my place unguarded during the time I'm wandering. But those mercenaries are also likely to just steal my stuffs and make off with it when I'm not around to pay their salary...

So I decided it's time for some homebrew solutions. Make my own mindless, immortal guardians! They don't need any food, money or even moving their muscles around! With these things around, there's obviously NOTHING that will get stolen!

     
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  8. Megadestructo

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    BlueWizard31
    

Wallace the little Armored Pig

    Now why does Wallace carry a dagger, as most armored pigs do? You see, these pigs were once mighty adventurers. These heroes sliced their way across the land, conquering evil and stealing all the local treasure as they went. One day they came upon a powerful sorcerer, who with a flick of his wand, transformed them forever into these dirty creatures, destined to live their lives as armored pork.

    Brolatypus
    Grug the Goblin



    Born in small hut me grow up nice gurg, me fetch rodents for mother to cook and me compliment her horrid cooking. One day twins from hut next door drag me on adventure. me think bad idea but mother say go play with friends. On adventure we find strange thing with shiny metal skin, it chase us with sword and try cut off my head, me run away but it friend with stick thrower shoot me in back.


    Whiteowl
    

Darryl the Skeleton Warrior

    

Darryl worked his whole life. Worked his fingers to the bone and hid his wealth in a dark damp dungeon. After his untimely death, darryl wouldnt be seperated from his hard earned gold and jewels. He doesnt want to hurt anyone, but those pesky dwarves, elves, and greedy humans all keep trying to take his wealth.Stay out of his cave and you have nothing to fear.


    Trial


    Nummese the Skeleton Warrior



    Allied with the venom mist a clan of undead, wants to revenge the murderer of his family in life. tortured for the vision of the past and the pain of last life he wants to destroy the clan, reclaim his bones and putrid flesh for revenge. If you see me, see my bones, see my pain, see my blade and see your doom.


    A88mph


    Leon the Livid zombie



    Me once hate zombie. Killed many Zombie. Zombie ate family. Became Knight to kill Zombie. Killed many Zombie. One day, me bit by Zombie. But heart already stopped. Angry long time, because of Zombie. Do not hate Zombie. So you don’t be Zombie. Lest you be Zombie. Killed many people.
     
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  9. Megadestructo

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    Kahar
    
Tim the Man at Arms of Lord Stafford


    Tim enjoyed guarding things, especially things belonging to kind, old noblemen with extensive art collections. While at times eccentric, Lord Stafford was a fair employer and eagerly shared stories of his adventures across the world in the pursuit of unusual artifacts. Unfortunately, one evening as Tim was sharing the history of a lacquered mask from the elusive swamp-folk of Thumballi with a fellow guard, he was cut down by band of adventurers.


    Codefly
    

Magnus the Orc



    All he wanted to do was collect some shiny rocks and bring them back to his family. On his way home a group of adventures mistook him for a theft. They followed him home and destroyed his home leaving him with no home and no family. He now sits quietly in the caves carving his family into the shiny rocks on the ground.


    Noelle
    

Gizmo the Goblin



    Man all of these gadgets laying around and no one wants to put them together and see what they can do. Maybe I can fling a short sword with a short bow instead of an arrow, will that do more damage than an arrow or just the same. Hmm I guess I'll try it out sometime, what about other things. I can't see why all of these humans think we goblins are gross, I kinda see ourselves as kind of cute. Sure we may wreak havoc and make alot of noise but we just do that cause we're party animals. You can join the fun too sometimes, we may even be your friend. We only retaliate cause you attack us we are just curious and find some new ways to be inventive with your stuff, its not our fault if it gets damaged. Let's just be friends.


    Mance
    

A temporal sequence of informal haikus about the tale of Grakbar the Kobold:


    They call me Grakbar.
    
I hunt for the family.

    They will know of peace.



    This land all we have.

    They were never welcome here.
    
I will defend home.



    Once again they come.

    Pointed ears and pointed sticks.

    A long deep silence.


    Fin.


    Warrender
    Wilbur the Armored Pig



    Wilbur was a normal, happy pig living on a farm until, one day, the farmer raising him decided to put him up for slaughter. With the aid of his friend, a giant spider named Charlotte, Wilbur fought back against the brutal farmer and secured his freedom. Scrounging up bits of armor from the nearby barn, Wilbur set of in search of fame and fortune. His reputation has grown and everyone around agrees that he is "some pig".

     
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  10. Megadestructo

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    Thirandras
    Benny the Black Ooze



    Life is not easy for an ooze, least of all for Benny. In Benny´s soul he was a philosopher, conjecturing about the implications of his existence as a gelatinous being, as well as the definition of life itself and it´s meaning.

One day, Benny tried to share his visions with his kind as he hoped to achieve enlightment. He began: "Blob, Blob Blob..." 

Thus, Benny led a miserable existence...


    Dervill
    Brennan the Trog Gouger

    

I'm Brennan the Trog Gouger. Me and my step brother Dale are planning to clear out our part of the dungeon. We wanna make room for more activities. Our real dream is to open many taverns where Trogs can sing like bards. But we need a lot of gold to make that happen. We've got a chest full so far. No body better touch our stuff.


    Deathpotatoman
    Davin the Skeleton

    One time there was a boy named Davin. However one day he died. So his father tried to bring him back. After completing this however he realized the abomination he had created and tried to strike him down he failed, driving his son to insanity. Davin then attacked everyone in the village and it was burned down now only the ruins of the village lay there but some say they see a burning skeleton above a pool of water.


    Sully
    

Goblin Hulk Joe


    Waiting for hero's to come, to stop them from reaching my master. SMASH, grab and hurt them I will. I leap from my hiding spot with a RAWR!!! Finding three hero's wondering alone, they knew I was waiting and smashed, grabbed and hurted me instead. I realized these were not my wishes, because before I fell I saw a glimpse of a memory when not under my evil master High Priests spell.


    Ku****e
    

Ssssarc the Lizardman Cleric



    Cursssse you, foul creaturessse. What crime hasss my kin commited to dessserve thissss fate, to drown in their own blood? ssssss. Issss it the color of our sssscalesss, or the meager thhhingssss we have gathered to ssssurvive? Thhhhough my magicsss and the netsss of my people have failed, I hope that you move no further!

     
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  11. Megadestructo

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    Archalon21
    

Dimscale the Kobold Miner



    For longer than Dimscale can remember, he has been a wart on his clans backside. His father, the clan chief, cast him aside, merely because his hide was an undesirable shade of green. Ever in his nest brother, Crestedtails, shadow, Dimscale was doomed to creep among the clans labor class. Though not all is lost. A treasure laden group of adventurers, ripe for the mugging, heads his way now.


    Ogmaar
    
Ted the Gnome Inciter



    Ted learned at a young age that his name was not quite the norm for gnomes. Other gnomes had names like ‘Snfilner’ or ‘Jaegernopper’, nothing like Ted. He was bullied thanks to this difference. The vocabulary this gave him as he grew he turned to the task of being an Inciter. “Hey Snfilner, that elf said your father was a dwarf!” “What? GGRAAAGGHH!!”


    John MacDougall
    

Wesley the Skeleton



    Once upon a time, I was a simple farm boy named Wesley, deeply in love with the beautiful Hershey. But I was murdered by the Dread Necromancer Roberts and turned into a vile skeleton. Now I sit in a dungeon, and wait, and hope that one-day I will be reunited with my sweet Hershey. You brave adventurers may assume the worst and kill me, but death cannot stop true love, all it can do is delay it for a while.


    Dark Wolfe
    Urb The Golem



    Don't worry. I was made for this!


    Galvayra
    

Sebastion the overly dramatic Black Ooze



    Oh woe is me, the end is near, must i repent my sins before the jaws of death close down on me once more? If so what sins am i guilty of? Why do they hound me day after day, hunt me in my home, haunt me in my dreams. All i do is sleep and eat.
     
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  12. Megadestructo

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    Corey Catlett
    Tepmundi the Lizardman

    There was once a young lizardman by the name of Tepmundi, who not wishing to follow in the sleepy little existence of his father, choose to take a leap of faith and journey to the mythical "toplands" in the name of glory and riches. Several weeks through the caves he noticed a group of unknown beings wondering closer. Not understanding their speech, "Dibs on it's skin." were the last words he ever heard.

    Otis Langford
    Ts’rak the Lizardman Priest

    After a heated conversation with his god on whether feasting on holy fire charred dwarf was blasphemous or just bad for digestion *Ts'rak maintains the meat is still raw*, the priest decides to take his bad mood out on some kobalds. Leaving the altar room and turning down the hall Ts'rak hears shrieking and the impact of metal on hide, and considering he's not the one causing such sounds there can only be trouble.

    Julio Alanis
    Ruckus the Golem

    1000 years. Moss grows. Baby tree grows big. Bird droppings dry. Birds redeposit. Birds always redeposit. No one comes for treasure. Strange bird pecks. Beak broken. Can Ruckus laugh? I think not. Animal approaches. Strange sound. Lifts leg and releases liquid. Ruckus wet. Hero approaches. Ruckus finally move. Hero break Ruckus.
    Ruckus sad? I think not.

    Eric Brock
    Terr’ixythial Kroque the Kobold
    TINK... I hate that dang sound. Work 14 hours day and for what? a piece of goat, and hovel? Slave my life away for that blasted dragon. Mr. High and Mighty... Why I oughtta run away, become and adventurer (get some character levels)... come back and... Oh the overseer's coming, better look down and swing a bit harder for a minute. Weasel, what makes him so special? I bet I could take this pick and...

    Rob Birnie
    Kax the Lizardman

    Kax the Lizardman sat in the swamp and watched for humans. He didn't see any for many days. One day some humans walked past wearing bright coats. Kax was excited! He would tell everyone when he went home! When Kax reached the cave at dusk it was very quiet. His friends were asleep and would not wake up. Kax was sad. He wanted to tell them he saw the humans.
     
  13. Megadestructo

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    Matt St.clair
    Berk the Troll

    *The diary of a troll named Berk*
    Yah. Hey dere. Ibds hurk here. hurk gun dispel bunch ob myfs and... yah.

    So yah. hurk jist a trolly whub like fings like breaking stuff and ob kourse bashing fings.

    Yah, hurk nut relly like fings such is fire, asid and magikal fings.

    Hurk ibds gubd ab smush and smerts, but nut riting. um...

    Oh yah. Hurk gob hairy trolly chest. ibds goob. Ulso, hurk wunt kibten to eabt.

    *This page ends here abruptly*

    Clint Wesley Phillips
    Trubber the Kobold

    Me live with family. Digging for shiny. Day in day out. Shiny. Me ALWAYS minding own self. Always attacked by human traveler. Me getting tired of beat up. Some day. Me beat them up. For reason too. Me take their shiny. Not them take mine. Me take weapons too. Make Trubber strong. And have shiny everywhere. This is Trubber dream.

    Christopher Jones
    Poots the Goblin

    I'm just a simple goblin named Poots. I enjoy simple goblin things like eating stuff my friends dare me too, or pushing other goblins off cliffs for a good laugh. Mostly I keep to myself, collecting shinies, and eating blind cave fish. Then one day some human barged into my cave and stabbed me for no reason! (OK sure I screamed that I would stab him first but I was just trying to scare him) He took my shinies off my quivering body and left me there to die! Fortunately I was able to stay alive off passing blind cave fish till I recovered.

    Jay Smith
    Elughha the Ogre

    Everyone just calls me Elughha the ogre, or Elughha, or just "the ogre" Im a little too afraid of these little vermin I come across to wander too far from my little cave here, I remember when there were more of me but now there are none I can remember. I don't care about shiny things, or companionship, I just like to eat... Skin, bones, blood, every bit of it... everything tastes the same... I eat, sleep, then eat again... a lot of the loud vermin leave me alone now...

    Rodrigo Alegre Barriocanal
    Klang the Kobold

    Once upon a time there was a kobold named Klang. He was High Cleric of Kurtulmak. The legend says he made a dark pact with his god to be immortal in return to keep in his body his soul. He was the terror of the area because he used to sacrifice everyday children of gnomes in the altar of the temple of his village. Everybody called him "Eye of Kurtulmak"...
     
  14. Megadestructo

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    Steve Oxford
    Brock the Viridian Dragon

    Dragons, so I’m toldLike nothing more than hoarding gold
    Plunder, collect, on top to sleep
    Well, maybe they eat the odd cow or sheep.

    Well, Brock was different that’s for sure
    He felt his tastes were more mature
    Not for him roasted meat
    It was fruit and veg he yearned to eat.

    So adventurers, when chasing treasure
    Don’t kill him, you’ll find no pleasure
    It’s on his veggie patch he spends his day,
    So no golden pillow - just sweet, soft hay.

    Fedde van Erk
    Garzo the Lizardman

    Those rotten humans stabbed me during the night. Oh they fear Garzo the Lizardman in daytime alright; for I am agile and my reflexes are lightning fast. But as soon as my body cooled down they came crawling in like cockroaches! They dishonored me by denying me a fight, hence I can’t join my kind in the happy hunting-grounds. These are my final thoughts, left behind, slowly bleeding to nothingness. BASTARDS!

    John Morrison
    Barded Bacon the Armored Pig

    What's to say, if you are made up of the tastiest materials on earth, you've gotta protect yourself! Growing tired of having to rescue his prized pig, Farmer Bob decided the obvious solution was to teach Bacon how to fight back!

    Rhys Patterson
    Rattoucher the Kobold

    I am Rattoucher, I am kobold. We are the lowly ones adventurers cut their teeth on. We don’t have the strength of the orcs, or the numbers of the goblins. We have only our cunning to keep us safe. Adventurers invade our homes and destroy our families; only our traps keep them at bay. Yet we are evil. If I was a blonde boy named Kevin using traps to fight off bandits you would laugh and cheer. Hypocrites.

    Adrian Adamczyk
    Agreyn the Zombie

    Brains... Why everyone thinks we dine on brains. For im a Agreyn and im a zombie. Yes, I'm undead. And i dont eat brains. Me and other like me prefer eating somthing diffrent, more fresh and juicy. Yes! I know it's shocking but it's true. We like to eat vegetabl... naaah just kidding. Brains for life. Yours looks tasty by the way. Arrrggghh!!!
     
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    Kage Ryu
    Ity the Goblin Shaman

    Ity the Goblin Shaman Today Ity is gonna test these new shrooms Ity grows. They are nice shrooms Ity likes them best. Ity is gonna give shrooms to his expendables and observe theyre reaction. Last time Ity observed them swelling to 3 times theyre size and then exploding. Ity had a good laugh that day. Ity likes testing new shrooms. Ity gives shrooms to expendables. Ity observes them muscles bulging and tearing and rending at each other. Ity likes that. Ity will use his shrooms on his next raid. Will be fun!

    Nate Leuthold
    Greeldin the Dragon

    Greeldin was a highly misunderstood dragon. Yes, he had hoards of gold. Yes, he killed the occasional trespasser. But everyone knows gold is good for the scales. All Greeldin wanted to do was sit back, eat the occasional livestock, and bathe in his gold. But, of course, every blasted would-be adventurer was out looking for a chance to slay a dragon and steal his wealth. Cursed adventurers. They would learn…

    Tommy Brownell
    Cozby the Yellow Pudding

    Y'think it's eezy bein' a puddin'? Frost Imps try ta freeze me so Goblin Hulks can put me on sticks! And the dwarves! Slippy Ooze said "Cozby, yer never gonna be nuthin' but a yellow puddin' on a stick" and I said "That's not fair!" So I slip aroun' this dungeon, tryin' not to be a tasty treat, hopin' to score some buried treasure. Then I'll open Cardhuntrian's first frogurt stand.

    Tony D’Ambrosio
    Drib the Kobold

    Kobold I am, the names Drib. I'm not the smartest, but I know how to throw stones. No one respects Drib or the pack, but we won't lay down and die like dogs! No one ever tries to talk to Drib, they swing swords and sling spells without a word! Can you blame us for being a little jumpy? We're just trying to get by...

    Eric Farraro
    Bronzejaw the Redeemed Golem

    Bronze Golems began life as unwanted weapons, cast aside by snooty adventurers. After all, who wants a 'bronze' weapon? The bronze weapons were melted down in a blacksmiths shop, turning the once great weapons into common sludge. A rogue wizard, sensing the negative energy and frustration captured within the bronze ore, animated it to carry out this bidding. Now, Bronzejaw the Redeemed roams the dungeon's empty halls, looking to exact revenge on the adventurers who cast aside his ancestors.
     
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    Luke Jackson
    Bert the Dragon

    Hello I'm a dragon called Bert,The kind that adventurers hurt.
    They stab with their swords
    Zero damage, I'm bored,
    So I crush them into the dirt.

    Byron Parker
    Mortimer the Fire Imp

    Mortimer the 'fire' imp has gone through years of therapy for his pyromania. Shorty after a group therapy session, in which he felt a real break through. Mortimer was threatened by a human warrior who bragged about his arcane armor of ice protection. Mortimer tried to call his sponsor but he did not answer... Years or therapy down the drain.

    Nicky P. Wibisono
    M’zik the Goblin Grunt

    All around the mulberry bushM'zik chased all the weasels
    M'zik thought it was all in good fun
    Pop! Goes the weasels

    A man, a dwarf, and elf came around
    M'zik loves all the weasels
    To cut, and cook, and share with the grunts
    Pop! Goes the weasels

    Joel Reid
    Jingles the Skeleton
    Jingles was a very rich man who happened to fall afoul of the wrong necromancer while alive. Once the rich man died of old age, the necromancer raised Jingles to wander through his mausoleum as a skeleton, the jewellery from his live jingling against his bones to scare any adventurer that desired his riches.

    Torrey Barnes
    Burgle the Goblin

    As the adventurer pulled the sword from Burgle's chest he looked around at his fellow goblins laying dead on the floor. "I did it!" He thought. "I outlasted you all. Best copper piece I ever spent betting you guys. Wonder what I'll buy." Then he died. When you're a goblin the light at the end of the tunnel always has a sword. You just hope your tunnel is the longest.
     
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    Michał Fudula
    Ug the Troglodyte

    Ug the Troglodyte has always been the odd one among his kin. While he was into philosophy and art, all that mattered to others was bashing skulls and dung throwing contests… Thus, only reasonable(or semi-reasonable at least) creatures Ug could hope to have a conversation with were the adventurers who sometimes stumbled upon Trogs’ lair. Alas, heroes are not versed in the Trogspeak, so they always mistake Ug’s greetings for battle cries. And then stab him for his kindness. Repeatedly.

    Chris Hebert
    Urrglle Slerp the Black Ooze

    I'ms called Urrglle Slerp thee black ooze. For years we lived under ground we multiplied and divided, until thee lizardmen came to slaughter us.... JUST TO MAKE WAR PAINT! We went mad and attacked the lizardmen. Our battles were glorious many lizardmen died. They retreated deeper into the caves. Ours victory was assured until the witch came. Unsure what she was I bit its foot. It became mad, immediately lighting filled the cave no one survived.

    Jared Hutton
    Grazgrib the Kobold

    Grazgrib the Kobold has a hideously ugly wife (even for Kobold standards) and is mean to boot. He just found out she was cheating on him with a pimply necromancer who has been sending zombie hamsters after him to make fun of him. So Grazgrib traveled hundreds of miles to join a band of Kobolds. “Ahh the life of a slave in a diamond mine… Much better.” Grazgrib says enthusiastically.

    Aaron Winemiller
    Urch the Troglodyte

    Urch the Trog was extremely happy this day, he was the first of his family to leave the cave and become an accountant. It was his dream. On the way to the office a strange man with a sword confronted him, demanding his “loot.” Panicking, Urch defended himself from the stranger and the last thing he can remember are the screams of horror. To this day, Urch remains a wanted Trog; fleeing for his life and dreaming of numbers.

    Mike Lyons
    Cal’Zet the Lizardman Zeolot

    Cal'Zet the Lizardman Zealot digs. Cal'Zet does not proselytize. Cal'Zet digs. Cal'Zet knows she will be rewarded with each artifact she can offer Him. For that, Cal'Zet digs. This was the way. That is, up until the stout, hair-covered axe man, pointed-eared lightning caller, and malevolent mother arrived at the temple. Since then there has only been pain. Pain does not please Him. I must not disappoint.
     
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    Gabriel A. Zorrilla
    Reckt the Bronze Golem

    Uh, I'm Reckt the Bronze Golem. That's how my Master Altrih the Black Mage wants me to be known. Sometimes when I get bored of guarding his dungeons from those nasty explorers I go to the level 4 bar for a pint of good ale. Of course those humans and dwarves fight for every finger of that precious ale, but nothing gets in the middle of Reckt and a good hangover! The other day a sneaky elf shot me a fire arrow while on a break with my buds, the arrow just stuck in the ale cask and set it on fire! Oh why, why my ale! You bet I'll get my revenge!

    Lance Plowman
    Mrs. Marple Stoutfire the Tree

    Mrs. Maple Stoutfire stood proud, as her young ones lumbered off to stand guard over the forest. It seemed like just last season they were merely saplings, sprouting their first branches. She wept, wishing her husband could see them now, tall and strong; but like many others, he too was taken by loggers. The loggers invaded their peaceful land, changing the forest, twisting it into a dark and savage place.

    ChocoKung Chinworawatana
    Jimmy the Skeleton

    It's an old joke that a SKELETON has no brain to think and no heart to feel. But does that matter when JIMMY had desires to run a weapon shop in a dungeon? Since the den is full of items from dead adventurers, he’d had an idea to sell weapons and potions to new explorers instead of letting them loot for free. Most mortals are dumb though, they'd love to buy things no matter who they met. Well he forgot one thing, bandits don’t buy weapons, they stabbed a merchant and grabbed all his gold.

    Ken Seacrist
    Dragnar the Dragon

    I was once called Dragnar the Swift, Dragnar the Terrible, Dragnar the Ravager! Now I'm Dragnar the old... Heh, ancient even! All I really want, is to curl up and sleep my days away atop my pension. I worked hard and ravaged many a kingdom to make my retirement "comfortable". Why can't these pesky adventurers just leave me alone... And STAY OFF MY LAWN!

    Kaitlyn Rauch
    Horatio the Goblin

    Horatio the goblin looked terrified as the adventurer pushed a blade toward his throat. He had a wife and children to support. He had turned to plundering in his youth as no human would give him work. Now he wondered how they would fair without him. In a flash his thoughts ended. Horatio the Goblin, with the end of his life the life of his family ended as well.
     
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    Ben Murfitt
    Churg the Orc

    The Orc named Churg was a mediocre specimen, small and weak. He longed to hear the screams of his foes as he charged into battle. "Oh no, it's Chrug" would be music to his misshapen ears. But Churg had a plan, beseech the gods to bless him with an item of power, which to his surprise, they did. Alas, the gods of Orcs are a little dim, they did not bless his sword, or his shield, or even his ring. They blessed his bedshirt. But for Churg it was enough, for when he charged into battle his ears were met with the wonderful screams of "Holy shirt, it's Churg!"

    Bryan Klein
    Ziv the Skeleton
    The dark surrounds me, a cold world comforts me. Cruel lights burn through me, exposing all I have lost over the years. I hate what they see of me, I am so exposed before their dammed torches. I must fight the light bearers, to hide my shame from those greedy, prying eyes.

    Craig Brenizer
    Thomas E. Lizardman the Lizardman

    I was born in darkness. I was brought forth from the coldness of the swampy mire. Existing on the scaly meat of fish I managed to catch. Existing merely to survive and enjoying the pleasures of diving down into the dark deep where others of my kind dwell in underwater caverns. Each day I claw my way ashore, in search of simple pleasures and unusual dangers that I must endure.

    Gene Case
    Grish the Kobold

    Me name Grish. Me Kobold. me and me's tribey live in great hole in stone. Me's never bothers no ones. we's gathers and kills ours crunchings and munchings and sometimes we's finds shinys. We's alls loves shinys! We's keeps thems. One nights some humanses and dwarfses come crashings into our sleeping places and beatses and crusheses me's family and tooks alls the shinys!!!! Me's gets thems back..somehows.

    Shawn Patrick Mullin
    Kreeko the Kobold

    Kreeko see you. Kreeko hunt with friends. Hunt to feed family. One deer only feed nine babies! Need three deer for family! Kreeko need many deers and tall robe man come and kill Kreeko friends and Kreeko no eat! Kreeko find new friends. Kreeko and new friends find mean tall robe man. Kreeko family not starve!"
     
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    Jams Fernglerberg
    Mepkin the Goblin

    Mepkin never knew he not evil. Mepkin never know what good or evil mean before meeting friendly human. Friendly human give Mepkin a fish to eat, and he not beat up poor Mepkin. So Mepkin decide that friendly human is friend to Mepkin. Then friendly human tells Mepkin all about good and evil, and Mepkin does best to understand. He think that if he has so much trouble with good and evil, other goblins just confused too. So Mepkin goes to other goblins and tells them all good news about good and evil. "Good guys get fish from the friendly human," he tells them. Soon, friendly human has lots of mouths to feed!

    Dani Kesztler
    Porky the Armored Pig

    Even though he's a pig, Porky is actually very clever. To be honest is brilliant, really. Yes, he can't talk, and he can't walk on two legs, but he was way smarter, than his kobold masters. Since he was little he has tried excaping in every way he could, but that just made him seem a better fighting pig to the kobolds. Now he needs help. He needs YOU.

    Brad Morton
    Kurtlemek the Kobold

    Check the springs, sharpen the spikes. Make the wires taught and tight. Polish all the bladed bits and set the plates just right. Not a latch goes unchecked or trigger set. No one will tamper with the Idol, not with every edge in the chamber coated in vile fang poison. Say what you wish about Kurtkemek the kobold trap smith, call him a perfectionist.

    Jonathan Quinn Rickard
    Bloink the Armored Pig

    You wouldn't think that a pig would wear armor. Or that a pair of armored-pig-parents would name its offspring "Bloink." Yet here I am, a pig, clearly wearing armor and yes, go ahead and check my driver's license & my birth certificate, "Bloink" is my real name. Yes. Like "oink" with a "b" and an "l" on the front. No I don't know why they named me that and yes I was teased in armored-pig-school.

    Sam Abbott
    Revlis the Dragon

    My name's Revlis and I don't know what I did wrong. The smaller creatures all eat the ones that go moo, but when I do so they send people to try and kill me, so I defend myself, then they send more. I'm getting a large collection of gold from this but I have to hoard it because no one will let me spend it.
     

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