Noble warriors, upright wizards, selfless priests - gallants and bravos of Cardhuntria: You may stop reading, for you are not my audience. For the rest of you cutthroats and baseborns, I have an offer you cannot refuse. Visit us at the Fallen Fortress, bend your knee for just a moment, and convince us that you know which end of the blade to hold or whither to point a wand, and you will find riches and respect in equal measure. Join our NinetyNineKnaves (ICK) and begin your epic journey from anonymity to infamy. We are not friends, nor brothers, nor comrades. Our name will be cursed, not celebrated. The lucky and ruthless amongst us will die rich and alone, whilst the rest will dance the hangman's jig to a cheering crowd. Few will weep at our funerals. Such is the price of success and greatness, for between now and the time that Death claims your worthless hide, you will feast upon the glint of bloody coins and the tears of cowards. And for few, so painfully few!, the rank of LordKnave may one day suffix a name that is only spoken in whispers. We are not anarchists, but our rules are light and few. Those who cannot keep them will find the short remainder of their lives full of incident: 1) Win. By any means necessary. Do so creatively, or uncreatively. Honorably or dishonorably. But win. If you are accused of 'cheating', simply thank them for the compliment. It means you are winning, 2) Never flee. A dignified 'retreat' (that is, after having achieved two points) is acceptable. Snatching up your skirts after the first failed whirlwind and making for the treeline makes me, your founder, look a fool. There are far better ways to make me look a fool. Tankers (often spelt with a capital 'W') will be beheaded and then asked to leave, 2) Help your fellow Knaves, not out of love, but because a strong fellow is in your own best interests, 3) Be kind to your opponents. Because nothing frustrates them more than a kindly word and some 'heartfelt' advice as you wipe their hearts blood from your blade. There are better ways to frustrate an opponent than to swear, stall or speak in meaningless letters. If you cannot think of any, your time with us will be remarkably short, 4) Have fun. Because without it, life is simply a bad joke with nobody laughing, 5) Learn your numbers. If you need directions to the Fallen Fortress, ask for a Knave in the Lobby. Until then, mind the shadows.
After suffering disgrace and humiliation in PoF I took to the road, and found refuge with this band of brigands.
Sorry, @Flaxative, but I did the math and turns out I'll get rich quicker this way. Okay, well, somebody else did the math. Under my orders. So, I guess I did the math by delegation. Right? For what it's worth, I broke three sets of lockpicks on your treasure room door, and am down a few teeth from an amusing first attempt to make a clean getaway. I think the decision to carry an extra bag of loot rather than an extra blade was a poor one, in hindsight. Kill your locksmith. Promote your guardsman. And always keep a knife under your pillow, because as much fun as I had in the treasure room, my pockets just weren't deep enough.
Hah, I saw that you made off with a bunch of counterfeit gold. I wonder what the first merchant or banker will think of you when you try to pass it off as real currency
More heartfelt praise from our illustrious foes, thank you! Truly I walk among giants within the hallowed halls of Fallen Fortress.
Friends, guildsmen, you fine fellows seem to be getting some Big Love (two links) over yonder. Sigh. I'm so proud of you. Of us. ICK! ICK!
Snorre - The points were all lost unintentionally, and the guild hopping was more about encouraging another group to grow than anything else.
Dear adventurers, The NinetyNineKnaves has now firmly established itself as a serious player in Cardhuntrian politics, having surpassed thirteen so-called guilds in the rankings. True, we are a far cry from being the greatest, and pay due regard to the Order of the Ivory Flame. A small nod goes to PooF and the Sorcererererers, who are hovering between 1100 and 1300 points, which is about one for each of their members. As the youngest and smallest guild of any consequence, ICK now suggests that all Cardhuntrians give serious thought to where they dirty their knees. Our doors may not remain open for much longer, and those who do not side with us now as we rise to power may find their future to be... tumultuous. Which brings me on to my next point. The guild known as the 420 YOLO SQUAD is hereby sentenced to summary destruction. Its members have twenty-four hours to raid their treasure rooms, offer us tribute and bend the knee at the Fallen Fortress in order to escape the guild's imminent judgment. Mind the shadows.
The Guild Formerlty Known as 420 YOLO has been summarily crushed, and will hereafter be referred to by the same acronym. Only now the third letter stands for 'Lived'. The Black Sun will now become the sole attention of our collective displeasure, and its members have twenty-four hours to bring us tribute from their coffers and bend the knee at the Fallen Fortress. Further, and perhaps more importantly, it has come to our attention that some individuals are calling themselves 'knaves' (small K) in official records, without our leave. This practise is to cease immediately. Anybody wishing to use this most noble of descriptors can come and pay some dues, or will be beheaded on the second warning. This is the first warning. Mind the Shadows.
Dear Cardhuntrians, I have heard a great many individuals employing a discourse of 'Knaves (big K) as animals'. Those using such terms to refer to our roguish little family likely meant them as insults; I judge this from the sniffling and skirt-tugging that tend to accompany such language ("Waaaah, mommy! He robbed my tavern!" "Waaaaaaah, mommy! He torched my crops!" "Waaaaaaah, mommy! The nasty man put my village to the torch!"). Honestly, it is as if this entire land has forgotten how to have a bit of good-natured fun. But I digress. After careful consideration of these churlish insults, I must say that I wholeheartedly agree. This discourse will now form the basis of our rank structure. New Knaves, who are still finding their preferred avenue of butchery, brigandary and bastardry will be hereafter known as Cubs. Once these rugged little chums have found their way and decide what flavour of bandit they wish to become, they can join one of our current two arms: 1) The Wolf Pack - Under the loving guidance of the LordWolf these will be the Knaves that are willing to use every dirty trick in the book to secure victory. Knavees who are accepted into this group will learn to eschew such ridiculous, womanish notions as honor, courage and principles. The remit of the Wolf Pack specifically includes the maintenance of our guild rank. Ranks: Wolf, AlphaWolf, LordWolf 2) The Hyena Clan - Some knaves may put on a slightly more humane face than their lupine contemporaries and have ever so slightly less overt bloodlust. Snuggling warmly to the bosom of the LordHyena these Knaves will be the respectful facade of our company. The remit of the Hyena Clan specifically includes guild recruitment, and being funny. Poor attempts at humour are equally acceptable. Ranks: Hyena, Patriarch, LordHyena Oh, and one last thing: The guild known as Double Rainbow is hereby sentenced to summary destruction. The usual terms apply. Mind the shadows.
I regret to inform you I have parted ways with the esteemed guild. I wish you fine gentlemen well in your future endeavors and hope to meet you again soon on both the fields of battle and forums of repartee.
